The Tyranny of “I Should”
Most people agree nobody’s perfect—right? Not quite. Some of us chase flawlessness as if it’s fully attainable. Striving for excellence is healthy, but perfectionism becomes a problem when it strains relationships and leaves you exhausted.
Research shows many “never satisfied” folks get tangled in details and rigid standards—classic all-or-nothing thinking. This quick quiz will help you gauge your perfectionist tendencies.
-
Question 1. After finishing a demanding work task, I feel drained.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 2. If I can’t do something perfectly, I’d rather not do it.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 3. I could never knowingly let an error pass in my work.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 4. In public places, I catch myself critically judging strangers’ looks or hygiene.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 5. I feel ashamed if I appear weak or ridiculous to others.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 6. My parents were hard to satisfy and often very critical of me.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 7. “Good enough” work doesn’t satisfy me.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 8. As a student, I was never satisfied with my grades.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 9. I’m meticulous and organized—almost obsessively so.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 10. I’m uncomfortable revealing my flaws—even to close friends or family.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 11. Seeing a crooked frame on a wall makes me want to straighten it immediately.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Question 12. It bothers me to postpone a task I’ve already started.
- Disagree
- Somewhat agree
- Completely agree
-
Not Much…
You’re generally relaxed and not driven by perfectionistic tendencies.
Context. Psychologist David D. Burns described how perfectionists think in all-or-nothing terms and struggle to adjust standards—even when flexibility would help. That rigidity can make it hard to enjoy progress (their own or others’).
-
Reasonable Middle
You like things done well, but you aren’t forever stuck on details.
Context. Healthy striving balances standards with flexibility. Watch for moments when shifting from “perfect” to “good enough” preserves time, energy, and relationships.
-
Under the Tyranny of “I Should”
You chase perfection and feel unsettled when things aren’t exactly as imagined—sometimes making others uneasy too.
Context. High standards can fuel achievement, but when every task must be flawless, stress spikes and joy drops. Try experimenting with “done is better than perfect” on low-stakes tasks to build flexibility.